Dear fam, friends, and frenemies,
I have returned. Did you think Tiztalk had been discontinued? It's more like those British dramas where they give you a few episodes and then the series returns every so often for a few more. So, enjoy a new installment.
Recently, I've been redecorating. Alas, I suffer from buyer's remorse at every step. After custom-ordering a couch which turns out to be not very short-person-friendly, I was determined to actually sit in the chairs the decorator had recommended. I took Bob on his first trip to Pottery Barn. He even asked the designer where the pottery was. She laughed and thought he was kidding; he wasn't... So, we did our homework and placed an order for two leather wing chairs and an ottoman. Mission accomplished, right? Almost. After thinking it over for a week, I decided that what I really wanted was one wing chair, one ottoman, and one recliner. I asked my daughter to go back to PB with me. Molly suspiciously asked, "Why? Weren't you just there last week?" When I told her that I wanted to change my order, her reply was, "Mom, I am not getting sucked into your chaos. You can't decide anything." My reply? "I decide lots of things. I just never seem to like what I've decided. So, there." Well, she did get sucked in, and so did Nancy. We waited for our beleaguered designer, Elizabeth, (ok, I'll admit, I had already changed the order once) to arrive at work, and she promptly changed the order. If only that were the end of the story. It seems that no customer has ever changed an order before. I received the recliner and the ottoman, but no side chair. After several phone calls, the side chair had a delivery date, but no one ever showed up. It said online that all items had been delivered. I sat on hold for a few hours a few times and scribbled down notes on pieces of paper so I would know who to blame for all of this...Anyway, thanks to Elizabeth, the designer, I now have all of my PB chairs. But I haven't sat on them much. I was sick when they arrived and preferred to sit on the old chairs as I didn't care what spilled on them, they are comfortable, and they come in quite handy when the grandkids come....I know, I know.. I will be carting them to the garage any day now. If you know of a good home, please let me know.
We also have some new built-in IKEA shelves. Bob visited his first IKEA to help me pick them out. I didn't warn him; he assumed we were going to a furniture store. When we got from the parking garage to the escalator, he turned to me and asked, "Are we going on a flight?" I assured him that we were just looking for shelves and dining on Swedish meatballs. He's still scratching his head over that experience.
Well, now it's six weeks later... yes, I still have the old chairs. And I now have an old and new media stand and an old and new end table to complete my "What is wrong with you?" living room design. I also have two new fabulous-looking modern lamps with glass shades; alas, I miss my old reading lights that could be twisted to meet my book...However, I have now made a phone call, and all of my duplicates are being picked up next week. I still welcome calls if you'd like to give any of them a loving home and allow me visiting rights.
While I like having a revamped home, I have discovered, to use an infamous quotation from my brother Tom when he was heading to work at Bridwell's Super Market against his will, "This interferes with my fun." Here's why:
Time spent cleaning my old stove: 5 mins/week
Time spent cleaning my new glass stove top: 60 mins/week -- also add in the cost of lint-free cloths, scrubbing utensils, and special cleaning products for "daily cleaning" and "heavy duty cleaning." Who invented these things anyway?
Time spent cleaning my original oak baseboards: 0 minutes/year
Time spent cleaning my new white baseboards: 15 min/week --- they are always dirty and it SHOWS. Who made these popular?
Time spent cleaning my old tiled shower: not much
Time spent cleaning my new Onyx shower - 5-10 mins/day with special cleaning products and tools
Former time spent turning pillows into pillows : 0
Time spent this week turning pillows into pillows: 15 min.
Did you know that pillow inserts arrive flat as pancakes and have to be hung in the sunlight (I'm not making that up), dried with a hairdryer, put in a clothes dryer, or "patted." Seriously?
Now you understand why I haven't had time to write a blog. I'm too busy cleaning my house and patting my pillows. And if my sister reads this, she will enter me in the Missouri Liars Contest.
Updates & Tizhaps
In case you are interested, I do still own my leather gloves. Both of them. But Nancy has now decided to wait another year to pay me my $50 for retaining them. However, I have managed to lose both black headbands. Once again, one of them simply vanished into thin air while I was on a walk. I'm not sure about the other. Maybe it will turn up.
Recently, I went to NYC with some galpals. Talk about reefer madness. Downtown is filled with marijuana smoke. No need to buy a thing. We were able to walk down the street and get high without even trying.
Have you ever had your husband leave an article out for you to read? That happened to me this week. The title? "Help for Couples Where One Person Does All the Talking." I asked him if he had learned how to solve the problem, His response: "Yes, but it's illegal and comes with a very long jail sentence."
So, on that note ,Tiz will stop talking.
Whining while designing,
I remain
Tizzie/Tiz/Elizabeth/Liz/Mom/Tizmom/Grandma/Grizzie
No comments:
Post a Comment