1/1/18
Temp: -11
Hi, fam, friends, and frenemies,
Holiday fervor subsided?
Looking at a half-dead poinsettia and wondering whether to revive
it? A broken Christmas plate and
wondering whether to glue it back together?
A Christmas sweater that hasn’t buttoned in a few years and wondering if
you should go on a diet? If you are the wondering and not doing stage, then
you’ve come to the right place. Grab you
leftover bubbly and have a seat.
Here's what I've been wondering:
In attempting to remove a frozen turkey neck from a turkey,
I managed to twist my hand which produced a cracking sound in three of my fingers , and now I am rendered even less likely than ever be able to
open a pickle jar. I’m wondering why they put the neck and giblets in a
frozen turkey anyway. Assuming anyone wants to eat those “extras”, who has time
to cook them on Christmas Day?
In buying my husband a belt, I took his current belt with me
to the store. While trying to measure
the new belts for size, the buckle of the old belt somehow became
commingled with the buckle of the new belt such that I could not untangle it.
Neither could the young man at the check out.
Several shoppers were kept waiting in line while valiant attempts were
made. Finally, the belts broke
free. I’m wondering why JC Penney
doesn’t provide better training for its Christmas help, aren't you?
Our granddog Frannie, a French bulldog, took my husband Bob
for a walk the morning of our family Christmas dinner. Frannie chased after some birds and ran out
her leash. This caused Bob to fall on
his knee, elbow himself in the ribs, and bend his pinkie into a new position. While
at UrgentCare awaiting treatment, my daughters and son-in-law were frantically
texting me with requests of how to mash potatoes, cook cranberries, prepare brussel sprouts, etc. and, of course,
do this all simultaneously. Always
willing to help, I spewed forth my culinary orders. When we arrived home, all was completed
beautifully, and we sat down on time.
I’m wondering what I can stage next year to get out of the last two
hours of Christmas dinner preparation.
All suggestions welcome. (Note
: I learned later that my son-in-law was
wise to this possibility , and exhorted the girls and himself not to do too
good of a job lest they get their cooking jobs permanently. My son and
daughter-in-law and kids were gone during this event, so maybe I can trick them
next year…)
Here in Middle America, the temperatures have been frigid,
so I have been mostly inside for several days.
One task I have tackled is purging the hallway closet. That sounds easy enough, doesn’t it? Take the shoeshine box, for example. The
shoeshine items (rags, polish, leather balm, brushes, shoe laces which still
have price tags stickered on them, more rags, water-proofing spray) are rarely
invoked; however, they have resided in the the hall closet for over twenty
years. What will be the result of
moving them to a less accessible spot? Like the new tax plan, it’s hard to
predict. The change probably won’t be
noticed for a while. However, at some point, a sleeping giant will awake and
want to polish his shoes and he will demand to know – immediately – what has
become of the shoeshine supplies. Then he
will decry the fact that he was not consulted on the moving of them and will
proceed to put them back where they have resided for the previous twenty years.
I’m wondering if it’s safe to move the
shoeshine box. Is it worth the risk? Let
me know what you think.
What to do with my “techo-deco”picture frame circa 2000 that provides a slide show
of photos when you push a button? It
seemed like such a clever idea at the time.
I’m not quite sure when it took up residence in the hall closet. Remarkably, the remote was with it. However, when I pushed the button, it said that
no photos are on the frame. You and I
both know that’s not true. Those photos
are somewhere. I don’t know what they
are or where they are, but I must preserve them at all costs, right? This item will be sent to the electronics
mausoleum in the basement until further notice. I’m sure it will enjoy meeting the 8mm
camcorder, some old cell phones, and
many, many chargers, wires, cords, and gadgets that may or may not go with anything
we currently own. I’m wondering if I there’s really anyone qualified to tell me
what all those items are for and how much longer I need to save them.
Well, slackers, I hate to tell you this, but the fun is
up. It’s time for you to stop drinking
and thinking and start moving. That’s right. Surely, you have a closet you
need to clean out or a plot you need to devise to trick your own family. Or at least some leftovers you need to polish off. It’s a new year, remember? So, get busy. I wouldn't want you to follow my example. I just went downstairs to retrieve my Christmas ornament boxes, and ended up reading 20+ years of my own Christmas letters. I wonder why.....
Blundering and wondering,
I remain
Tizzie/Liz/Elizabeth/Tizmom/Mom/Grandma/Grizzie
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